I've had a good two days. Both have ended somewhat early, cuddled up in sweatpants, sweatshirt, and socks to keep the cold from getting to me. So comfortable.
Yesterday I had class, watched a movie, then went to the diner with Molly. We proceeded to go for a walk and got coffee, passed a liquor store and decided to dump a mini bottle of Disaronno into them (the buzz lasted about 30 minutes). I got home, showered, read a book, then watched the film, Gigantic. Good day.
I've been out since early this afternoon, when I decided to walk 2.5 miles to a coffee shop on the West side. Then I kept going uptown, and asked Roni to come out and play.
Side fun fact: Roni (along with my roommate, Jessica) was the first person I met in the "HP fandom" in real life after having become friends online. December 2, 2006. Feels like a million years ago.
Roni and I got dinner and then a cupcake at Magnolia. Heck yeah. Cupcakes. We walked by a movie theater and I said,
Hey. Want to see New Moon?
-Right now?
Right now.
-Okay.
So we saw New Moon. Quite frankly, I loved it. Honestly, 98% of the reason is because Edward is hardly in it. Also why New Moon is my favorite book of the series (screw this "Saga" bullshit).
....Say "saga" out loud. Right now. What a strange word.
Dakota Fanning. I've been such a huge fan of hers forever, and when I found out she would be playing Jane from New Moon, I knew she would be perfect. And she was. She needed more screen time.
Now, I sit with a glass of red wine like the classy young lady that I am not and relax.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
food
I can't figure it out. Other than human need for sustenance, really, why must we eat all the damn time?
And what the hell is up with my spacebar?!
Irrelevant.
I'm trying to understand why it is I want food all the time. It doesn't help living in my apartment. My two roommates do nothing but eat every night. It's fascinating.
Trust me. I've been addicted to food and nutrition and caloric value for years. So. I am a hypocrite.
I like starting new thoughts with new paragraphs, not just new sentences. Does this bother you? I just seem to roll this way.
So food. What is it? I ate really well today without really thinking about it. Had lunch, dinner, and dessert. And then, while watching The Office, roommate #1 was eating leftover Domino's macaroni and cheese pasta bread bowl. I smelled the macaroni and that was the end. I ordered Mac and Cheese from S'Mac to be delivered. I have $22 left. Their minimum order for delivery is $10. With tax and tip, I spent $13.
I now know for sure that my credit problem a few months ago was all food. All of it. I spend more money on food than anything else. My entire wardrobe is cheaper than the food I pay for.
Now, tell me. With the FULL AWARENESS of my financial situation and how very badly I need to save if I ever want to have a life other than just getting by, WHY is it that I felt it totally necessary to spend THIRTY DOLLARS on food today? WHY?!
(Side note: I had half of my mac and cheese and the rest is saved for lunch tomorrow. This justifies nothing, as it was expensive and the most unhealthy food I could possibly consume)
And what the hell is up with my spacebar?!
Irrelevant.
I'm trying to understand why it is I want food all the time. It doesn't help living in my apartment. My two roommates do nothing but eat every night. It's fascinating.
Trust me. I've been addicted to food and nutrition and caloric value for years. So. I am a hypocrite.
I like starting new thoughts with new paragraphs, not just new sentences. Does this bother you? I just seem to roll this way.
So food. What is it? I ate really well today without really thinking about it. Had lunch, dinner, and dessert. And then, while watching The Office, roommate #1 was eating leftover Domino's macaroni and cheese pasta bread bowl. I smelled the macaroni and that was the end. I ordered Mac and Cheese from S'Mac to be delivered. I have $22 left. Their minimum order for delivery is $10. With tax and tip, I spent $13.
I now know for sure that my credit problem a few months ago was all food. All of it. I spend more money on food than anything else. My entire wardrobe is cheaper than the food I pay for.
Now, tell me. With the FULL AWARENESS of my financial situation and how very badly I need to save if I ever want to have a life other than just getting by, WHY is it that I felt it totally necessary to spend THIRTY DOLLARS on food today? WHY?!
(Side note: I had half of my mac and cheese and the rest is saved for lunch tomorrow. This justifies nothing, as it was expensive and the most unhealthy food I could possibly consume)
Monday, November 16, 2009
finding yourself
It's such a lame title, but it's what life is all about. Yo.
Before I write any more, my roommate found out only moments ago that a friend of hers from high school passed away this week. 20 years old. Tell me that doesn't scare you, and I'll call you a liar.
What I've been wanting to say is that I feel like I've been going through so many things lately; nothing monumental from an outsider's perspective, but situations that are testing my strength, drive, emotional stability, love, faith, and any hopes for the future.
With an outstanding charitable donation from my mother, I am officially free of a credit card bill (which, by the way, was never late. It was only a ($766) issue for a month). The money I'm making now from babysitting, which isn't much, goes towards my food and, whatever change is left, into some form of savings. This is obviously a huge weight off my back. I owe my mother everything. My whole life. You guys may or may not have seen the past few years of my life be adventurous and wonderful. Well, I owe it all to her. I hope one day I can pay her back.
Even with this massive relief, things have been off. I've missed a few classes. Not enough to feel any repercussions, but enough that I cannot afford to miss any more. I've been sleeping a lot more, with just general fatigue setting in often. My friendships are dwindling, because I can't be bothered to make phone calls or go out to spend time with people. Worst of all, I've been pushing away the one person (aside from family), who has loved me and known every. single. thing. about. me. And he still loves me. Imagine that!
Cade is the reason I am who I am today. I no longer drink often/unable to stop drinking once I start, and I haven't indulged in many other disorders. There is NO OTHER reason other than Cade. I wanted a change, but it wasn't going to happen until he came into my life, almost exactly one year ago. I have no idea where I would be today had I not met him. I cannot stress that enough.
My problem: What it comes down to, is that I think way too far into the future. I can't see my future, therefore I find it hard to keep going here, in the present, to go to this nothingness in my mind. No one knows their future, but for some reason, not knowing where I'm going to be in 6 months makes me want to give up on everything entirely. This, my friends, is utterly insane.
Although, this doesn't stop me from thinking that a certain someone would be happier in a certain city. Even if it has virtually nothing to do with me. But I digress.
I apologize for the long update, and I don't expect you to have made it this far. I need to blog to get everything out. This can't be said in 140 characters or less, and it's time I stop with the emo twitter. No one enjoys it.
I truly wish the best for all of you. I hope you're living every day to the fullest. Hey. See your friend over there? Hug them. Oh, they're on the internet? Give them the good ol' fashioned *hug.*
Before I write any more, my roommate found out only moments ago that a friend of hers from high school passed away this week. 20 years old. Tell me that doesn't scare you, and I'll call you a liar.
What I've been wanting to say is that I feel like I've been going through so many things lately; nothing monumental from an outsider's perspective, but situations that are testing my strength, drive, emotional stability, love, faith, and any hopes for the future.
With an outstanding charitable donation from my mother, I am officially free of a credit card bill (which, by the way, was never late. It was only a ($766) issue for a month). The money I'm making now from babysitting, which isn't much, goes towards my food and, whatever change is left, into some form of savings. This is obviously a huge weight off my back. I owe my mother everything. My whole life. You guys may or may not have seen the past few years of my life be adventurous and wonderful. Well, I owe it all to her. I hope one day I can pay her back.
Even with this massive relief, things have been off. I've missed a few classes. Not enough to feel any repercussions, but enough that I cannot afford to miss any more. I've been sleeping a lot more, with just general fatigue setting in often. My friendships are dwindling, because I can't be bothered to make phone calls or go out to spend time with people. Worst of all, I've been pushing away the one person (aside from family), who has loved me and known every. single. thing. about. me. And he still loves me. Imagine that!
Cade is the reason I am who I am today. I no longer drink often/unable to stop drinking once I start, and I haven't indulged in many other disorders. There is NO OTHER reason other than Cade. I wanted a change, but it wasn't going to happen until he came into my life, almost exactly one year ago. I have no idea where I would be today had I not met him. I cannot stress that enough.
My problem: What it comes down to, is that I think way too far into the future. I can't see my future, therefore I find it hard to keep going here, in the present, to go to this nothingness in my mind. No one knows their future, but for some reason, not knowing where I'm going to be in 6 months makes me want to give up on everything entirely. This, my friends, is utterly insane.
Although, this doesn't stop me from thinking that a certain someone would be happier in a certain city. Even if it has virtually nothing to do with me. But I digress.
I apologize for the long update, and I don't expect you to have made it this far. I need to blog to get everything out. This can't be said in 140 characters or less, and it's time I stop with the emo twitter. No one enjoys it.
I truly wish the best for all of you. I hope you're living every day to the fullest. Hey. See your friend over there? Hug them. Oh, they're on the internet? Give them the good ol' fashioned *hug.*
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
i need coffee
I NEED COFFEE. I NEED. I WANT. GIMME.
*composes self*
I'm getting coffee in like an hour and it will be lovely.
Yes, it was necessary to blog about it. I recommend using Google Image to search "coffee addict." Entertaining stuff.
Monday, October 19, 2009
if you blog it, it will come
Please tell me someone recognizes the terrible spin-off of a movie quote.
I'm not sure what "it" would be. Motivation? Contentment?
I don't know how many times I've posted how badly I need to get myself on some kind of track, but hey. Listen. I need to get myself on some kind of track.
It's to the point where my money-spending and unhealthy food-consuming is at a new low. I've over-drafted so much on my debit card that it's denied everywhere I go. THIS is a low I never thought I would experience.
Also, a late-night adventure with Molly around midnight last night confirmed some food issues as well.
I have to babysit this afternoon, and tomorrow I finally have a job interview. Fingers crossed on that one.
I feel like I've been letting myself go or giving up on everything. I have to snap out of it. When I first moved here, I was working 30-40 hours a week, paying my own rent, able to afford little things and a flight to Texas here and there. Sure, I've been having an amazing time with something to do every day, but the friends I hang out with do too and THEY have jobs (although no classes). Psh. I can do that.
Also, Cade gets here in 11 days. I'm attempting to plan out an evening and not tell him anything about it, even as it's happening. I'm cute.
Enough for now.
The only picture I've really taken in the past month. This was just after seeing the Toy Story double feature in 3D. <3
I'm not sure what "it" would be. Motivation? Contentment?
I don't know how many times I've posted how badly I need to get myself on some kind of track, but hey. Listen. I need to get myself on some kind of track.
It's to the point where my money-spending and unhealthy food-consuming is at a new low. I've over-drafted so much on my debit card that it's denied everywhere I go. THIS is a low I never thought I would experience.
Also, a late-night adventure with Molly around midnight last night confirmed some food issues as well.
I have to babysit this afternoon, and tomorrow I finally have a job interview. Fingers crossed on that one.
I feel like I've been letting myself go or giving up on everything. I have to snap out of it. When I first moved here, I was working 30-40 hours a week, paying my own rent, able to afford little things and a flight to Texas here and there. Sure, I've been having an amazing time with something to do every day, but the friends I hang out with do too and THEY have jobs (although no classes). Psh. I can do that.
Also, Cade gets here in 11 days. I'm attempting to plan out an evening and not tell him anything about it, even as it's happening. I'm cute.
Enough for now.
The only picture I've really taken in the past month. This was just after seeing the Toy Story double feature in 3D. <3
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
it's all happening
Listen to my day.
Just listen.
I got no sleep. Tossing and turning all night. Awful.
Got up for class with plenty of energy, the way you do when you get in between way too little sleep and a lot of sleep. I hit a Starbucks before getting on the train for my grande red eye (coffee with a shot of espresso).
Class went well. I took my first test in about two years. I really think I did well.
I went to Target between classes, got a delicious pumpkin spice candle, some tights, etc.
Next class. My professor GIVES us our entire midterm to practice with for when we take it two weeks from now (no Wednesday classes next week).
I go home. Go grocery shopping.
THEN, get this, I go for a RUN. Yes. A run. I ran a whole (ha) 0.6 miles before clutching my chest in fear of death (I exaggerate).
HERE IS THE BEST PART.
The woman I babysit for works in film. Right now she's working on the new Sex and the City movie in the biggest film studio outside of Hollywood. I'm going with her tomorrow night to the set. Yes.
Now, I'm sitting, showered, eating a healthy slice of blueberry pie, drinking a glass of white wine, and talking to the Boy on skype video.
This is a good October 7th.
HAPPY HALF-BIRTHDAY TO ME TOMORROW.
Just listen.
I got no sleep. Tossing and turning all night. Awful.
Got up for class with plenty of energy, the way you do when you get in between way too little sleep and a lot of sleep. I hit a Starbucks before getting on the train for my grande red eye (coffee with a shot of espresso).
Class went well. I took my first test in about two years. I really think I did well.
I went to Target between classes, got a delicious pumpkin spice candle, some tights, etc.
Next class. My professor GIVES us our entire midterm to practice with for when we take it two weeks from now (no Wednesday classes next week).
I go home. Go grocery shopping.
THEN, get this, I go for a RUN. Yes. A run. I ran a whole (ha) 0.6 miles before clutching my chest in fear of death (I exaggerate).
HERE IS THE BEST PART.
The woman I babysit for works in film. Right now she's working on the new Sex and the City movie in the biggest film studio outside of Hollywood. I'm going with her tomorrow night to the set. Yes.
Now, I'm sitting, showered, eating a healthy slice of blueberry pie, drinking a glass of white wine, and talking to the Boy on skype video.
This is a good October 7th.
HAPPY HALF-BIRTHDAY TO ME TOMORROW.
Monday, October 5, 2009
what to write
A few things have happened the past few days that I would love to blog about. I even thought about blogging them as they happened. I just never got around to it.
I'm fine with just living it. I'm also fine with writing for the sake of writing, or writing for the sake of sharing my experiences.
I change my mind constantly. There are times where I want to really dive into the many online communities there are, and sometimes I want to close my youtube/twitter accounts.
It's bizarre.
I'm fine with just living it. I'm also fine with writing for the sake of writing, or writing for the sake of sharing my experiences.
I change my mind constantly. There are times where I want to really dive into the many online communities there are, and sometimes I want to close my youtube/twitter accounts.
It's bizarre.
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