Thursday, November 26, 2009

the holiday of food

Happy Thanksgiving!

American or not, you're thankful for something and should indulge in copious amounts of food tonight. It's just the way.

If you follow me on twitter, you may have seen oodles of repetitious updates regarding working a helluva lot in a short period of time. I apologize for them all, but it'll be fun to look back on at some point.

I'm currently in a bed full of fluffy pillows, blankets, and on the most comfortable bed of my life, aka the bed I've been sleeping on for about 20 years. After 15 hours of recovering sleep last night in this bed, I feel reborn. The past 2.5 straight days of work are completely irrelevant to me now, but my bank account is thankful.

Today, we recognize what we are thankful for. I have so much that I feel like a list would be too short and miss so many things. Regardless...

1. Cade.
--It may be cliche or lame, but he means everything to me. My life would not be what it is today without him. Also, in 4 days, we will be celebrating one full year of speaking every single day since the first moment we started speaking. <3

2. Family.
--Also cliche, but also true. My life has been an adventure, a roller coaster, full of good decisions and bad, and they still support me and just want me to succeed. I am SO EXCITED to see the family we see every year for Thanksgiving. I haven't seen them for two years, because last year I spent Thanksgiving in Seattle with Eia and her family (<333).

3. Friends.
--Obviously. So many of my friends are there for me no matter what. This includes my friends here in my hometown. I stopped hanging out with so many of them when I turned to the internet, traveling, and having friends all over the world to visit, but when I DO come home, I get plenty of "Ahhh, come hang out!" texts and calls.

4. School.
--I'm so over college. I'm ready to move on with my life and be done with it. Nonetheless, my current college accepted all of my general education courses, and my head of department has worked with me and my scheduling to make sure I'm out as fast as possible, which is 2 years. I WILL finish school in May of 2011.

I think that covers the basics, right?

I wish all of you a very happy Thanksgiving <3 What are you thankful for?!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

weekend and new moon

I've had a good two days. Both have ended somewhat early, cuddled up in sweatpants, sweatshirt, and socks to keep the cold from getting to me. So comfortable.

Yesterday I had class, watched a movie, then went to the diner with Molly. We proceeded to go for a walk and got coffee, passed a liquor store and decided to dump a mini bottle of Disaronno into them (the buzz lasted about 30 minutes). I got home, showered, read a book, then watched the film, Gigantic. Good day.

I've been out since early this afternoon, when I decided to walk 2.5 miles to a coffee shop on the West side. Then I kept going uptown, and asked Roni to come out and play.

Side fun fact: Roni (along with my roommate, Jessica) was the first person I met in the "HP fandom" in real life after having become friends online. December 2, 2006. Feels like a million years ago.

Roni and I got dinner and then a cupcake at Magnolia. Heck yeah. Cupcakes. We walked by a movie theater and I said,

Hey. Want to see New Moon?

-Right now?

Right now.


So we saw New Moon. Quite frankly, I loved it. Honestly, 98% of the reason is because Edward is hardly in it. Also why New Moon is my favorite book of the series (screw this "Saga" bullshit).

....Say "saga" out loud. Right now. What a strange word.

Dakota Fanning. I've been such a huge fan of hers forever, and when I found out she would be playing Jane from New Moon, I knew she would be perfect. And she was. She needed more screen time.

Now, I sit with a glass of red wine like the classy young lady that I am not and relax.

Thursday, November 19, 2009


I can't figure it out. Other than human need for sustenance, really, why must we eat all the damn time?

And what the hell is up with my spacebar?!


I'm trying to understand why it is I want food all the time. It doesn't help living in my apartment. My two roommates do nothing but eat every night. It's fascinating.

Trust me. I've been addicted to food and nutrition and caloric value for years. So. I am a hypocrite.

I like starting new thoughts with new paragraphs, not just new sentences. Does this bother you? I just seem to roll this way.

So food. What is it? I ate really well today without really thinking about it. Had lunch, dinner, and dessert. And then, while watching The Office, roommate #1 was eating leftover Domino's macaroni and cheese pasta bread bowl. I smelled the macaroni and that was the end. I ordered Mac and Cheese from S'Mac to be delivered. I have $22 left. Their minimum order for delivery is $10. With tax and tip, I spent $13.

I now know for sure that my credit problem a few months ago was all food. All of it. I spend more money on food than anything else. My entire wardrobe is cheaper than the food I pay for.

Now, tell me. With the FULL AWARENESS of my financial situation and how very badly I need to save if I ever want to have a life other than just getting by, WHY is it that I felt it totally necessary to spend THIRTY DOLLARS on food today? WHY?!

(Side note: I had half of my mac and cheese and the rest is saved for lunch tomorrow. This justifies nothing, as it was expensive and the most unhealthy food I could possibly consume)

Monday, November 16, 2009

finding yourself

It's such a lame title, but it's what life is all about. Yo.

Before I write any more, my roommate found out only moments ago that a friend of hers from high school passed away this week. 20 years old. Tell me that doesn't scare you, and I'll call you a liar.

What I've been wanting to say is that I feel like I've been going through so many things lately; nothing monumental from an outsider's perspective, but situations that are testing my strength, drive, emotional stability, love, faith, and any hopes for the future.

With an outstanding charitable donation from my mother, I am officially free of a credit card bill (which, by the way, was never late. It was only a ($766) issue for a month). The money I'm making now from babysitting, which isn't much, goes towards my food and, whatever change is left, into some form of savings. This is obviously a huge weight off my back. I owe my mother everything. My whole life. You guys may or may not have seen the past few years of my life be adventurous and wonderful. Well, I owe it all to her. I hope one day I can pay her back.

Even with this massive relief, things have been off. I've missed a few classes. Not enough to feel any repercussions, but enough that I cannot afford to miss any more. I've been sleeping a lot more, with just general fatigue setting in often. My friendships are dwindling, because I can't be bothered to make phone calls or go out to spend time with people. Worst of all, I've been pushing away the one person (aside from family), who has loved me and known every. single. thing. about. me. And he still loves me. Imagine that!

Cade is the reason I am who I am today. I no longer drink often/unable to stop drinking once I start, and I haven't indulged in many other disorders. There is NO OTHER reason other than Cade. I wanted a change, but it wasn't going to happen until he came into my life, almost exactly one year ago. I have no idea where I would be today had I not met him. I cannot stress that enough.

My problem: What it comes down to, is that I think way too far into the future. I can't see my future, therefore I find it hard to keep going here, in the present, to go to this nothingness in my mind. No one knows their future, but for some reason, not knowing where I'm going to be in 6 months makes me want to give up on everything entirely. This, my friends, is utterly insane.

Although, this doesn't stop me from thinking that a certain someone would be happier in a certain city. Even if it has virtually nothing to do with me. But I digress.

I apologize for the long update, and I don't expect you to have made it this far. I need to blog to get everything out. This can't be said in 140 characters or less, and it's time I stop with the emo twitter. No one enjoys it.

I truly wish the best for all of you. I hope you're living every day to the fullest. Hey. See your friend over there? Hug them. Oh, they're on the internet? Give them the good ol' fashioned *hug.*