It's such a lame title, but it's what life is all about. Yo.
Before I write any more, my roommate found out only moments ago that a friend of hers from high school passed away this week. 20 years old. Tell me that doesn't scare you, and I'll call you a liar.
What I've been wanting to say is that I feel like I've been going through so many things lately; nothing monumental from an outsider's perspective, but situations that are testing my strength, drive, emotional stability, love, faith, and any hopes for the future.
With an outstanding charitable donation from my mother, I am officially free of a credit card bill (which, by the way, was never late. It was only a ($766) issue for a month). The money I'm making now from babysitting, which isn't much, goes towards my food and, whatever change is left, into some form of savings. This is obviously a huge weight off my back. I owe my mother everything. My whole life. You guys may or may not have seen the past few years of my life be adventurous and wonderful. Well, I owe it all to her. I hope one day I can pay her back.
Even with this massive relief, things have been off. I've missed a few classes. Not enough to feel any repercussions, but enough that I cannot afford to miss any more. I've been sleeping a lot more, with just general fatigue setting in often. My friendships are dwindling, because I can't be bothered to make phone calls or go out to spend time with people. Worst of all, I've been pushing away the one person (aside from family), who has loved me and known every. single. thing. about. me. And he still loves me. Imagine that!
Cade is the reason I am who I am today. I no longer drink often/unable to stop drinking once I start, and I haven't indulged in many other disorders. There is NO OTHER reason other than Cade. I wanted a change, but it wasn't going to happen until he came into my life, almost exactly one year ago. I have no idea where I would be today had I not met him. I cannot stress that enough.
My problem: What it comes down to, is that I think way too far into the future. I can't see my future, therefore I find it hard to keep going here, in the present, to go to this nothingness in my mind. No one knows their future, but for some reason, not knowing where I'm going to be in 6 months makes me want to give up on everything entirely. This, my friends, is utterly insane.
Although, this doesn't stop me from thinking that a certain someone would be happier in a certain city. Even if it has virtually nothing to do with me. But I digress.
I apologize for the long update, and I don't expect you to have made it this far. I need to blog to get everything out. This can't be said in 140 characters or less, and it's time I stop with the emo twitter. No one enjoys it.
I truly wish the best for all of you. I hope you're living every day to the fullest. Hey. See your friend over there? Hug them. Oh, they're on the internet? Give them the good ol' fashioned *hug.*